Gentle Parenting. Yes, and…

They loved gentle parenting.

What they didn’t realize is that their implementation was in reaction to the harsh parenting experienced as a child.

What they labeled gentle parenting was actually permissive parenting, the opposite of the authoritarian style they were subject to.

As such their kids weren’t really held accountable or well directed. Their kids ruled the roost, right down to the youngest.

The challenge was learning that setting limits, boundaries and expectations doesn’t need to be harsh.

The other challenge was recognizing that should the child whine, cry or tantrum, it doesn’t mean one was harsh, just that the child wants to do as they wish and they are expressing frustration and opposition.

The final challenge was learning that gentle parenting never meant no limits, boundaries, or expectations, but to apply them from a reasonable, calm and empathetic place.

Gentle parenting simplified, is about the parent being mindful of their own disposition in the management of parenting. It’s about the parent’s capacity for appropriate self-regulation.

“I know little none, it’s something you would much rather not do, however, you still have to.”

Not always will a child be happy to follow through with an expectation. They don’t have to be happy, to follow through.

And, we can be appreciative of their upset and supportive of that while still maintaining the expectation.

The child responded by following through, although remaining grumpy. The parent responded, “Thank you, little one, I appreciate you’re [brushing teeth], when you wanted to do [—] instead.”

With that, you are not acting from an authoritarian place and you are not harsh.

You would be a gentle parent.

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I am Gary Direnfeld and I am a social worker. Check out all my services and then call me if you need help with a personal issue, mental health concern, child behavior or relationship, divorce or separation issue or even help growing your practice. I am available in person and by video conferencing.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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Gary Direnfeld is a social worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert in social work, marital and family therapy, child development, parent-child relations and custody and access matters. Gary is the host of the TV reality show, Newlywed, Nearly Dead, former parenting columnist for the Hamilton Spectator and author of Marriage Rescue: Overcoming the ten deadly sins in failing relationships. Gary maintains a private practice in Georgina Ontario, providing a range of services for people in distress. He speaks at conferences and workshops throughout North America. He consults to mental health professionals as well as to mediators and collaborative law professionals about good practice as well as building their practice.